I own three dogs. I am fascinated with reading dog-training books because my German Sheppard, Sachi, has always been challenging. She is very dog aggressive so I felt that dog training is very necessary. None of the training books helped me because she is super obedient and listens to all my commands perfectly, sit, stay, heel, etc, but as soon as she sees other dogs, she snaps and goes crazy.
I pick up Cesar Millan’s (dubbed the Dog Whisperer) book, Be the Pack Leader. In his book, he talks about how your dog is a reflection of ourselves and that dog’s natural follow the owners energy. He talks about maintaining a calm assertive energy to influence the dog’s behavior.
Could the problem be me?
I noticed that I tense up went I see another dogs. Naturally, Sachi felt this and was going into protective mode. So, I used his mastering the walk techniques maintaining a calm assertive energy with Sachi and it worked like a charm. It’s the first time she’s walked right by my side and we even walked passed our dogs with no reaction from her.
Okay, I had to take his ideas one-step further.
Would maintaining a calm assertive energy work on people?
We’re not animals, right. The thinking part of our being creates the separation between animal and human but think about the types of people that we find charismatic leaders. We feel this way and they draw us to them more because of this calm assertive energy.
Imagine if we all developed a Calm-Assertiveness. I believe its one of the keys to more peaceful interactions because we tend to respect and trust people with a calm-assertiveness about them.
How to develop a Calm-Assertiveness
- Take a Deep Breath – Calm breathing brings about a calm mental state.
- Focus on your mission – People focused on an important, altruistic goal attracts attention because of the energy you project. The feeling is one of relaxed determination.
- See with Soft Eyes – Instead of seeing things with a hard, narrow focus, see the world with soft eyes. Soft Eyes means expanding your view and using your peripheral vision like viewing a whole picture instead of parts. It also means to see with an un-judgmental eye. Seeing with soft eyes will make you more sensitive to non-verbal cues, reduce self-talk, relaxes muscles, and improves performance in sports.
- Develop the posture – Good posture is vital to maintaining and projecting a calm assertive energy. Back straight, eye's forward, head up, and feet rooted into the ground.
- Be curious – In the martial arts, we have the concept of beginner’s mind. Look at every situation as if it’s the first time. When we walk into a familiar room like the dojo, we assume that it’s the same old place, but in fact, a million things are different, we are choosing to ignore the subtle differences. Be curious of your surrounding and intentionally notice these subtle differences.
- Act the part – Remember a time when you felt powerful, try to call up that feeling again. Or… imagine yourself as a person or character that signifies leadership to you. It could be Bruce Lee or Oprah Winfrey. The idea is to act the part and experience that feeling of leadership then you can pull the feeling up at will.
- Walk with purpose – In Tom Hopkin’s audio book, Low Profile Selling, he talks about a poll of people sold on a product. They cited the successful salesperson walk as the reason they purchased, not the presentation. A successful person has a certain walk that creates a pied piper effect that people naturally want to follow.
- Visualize your success – Again, this is similar to the acting technique. Close your eyes and see your desired outcome in detail with your minds eye.
- Tame you inner dialogue – By creating a calm assertive inner dialogue, it will start to act on the world around you. I use daily positive affirmations to mold the way I think. A great affirmation for this calm assertive energy could state, “I feel confident that I can handle every situation with a calm assertiveness” or “I radiate a calm and assertive energy that positively affects everyone I meet.” I carry 5 self-instruction cards with me and repeat each one as I drive about 5 to 10 times each. Once I feel that I mastered one affirmation, I replace it with another.